Listed on BlogsCanada Review Talking Slideways

Talking Slideways <$BlogRSDUrl$>


i am alive and hiding on a path 

everytime i embark on this journey there is always an adventure. always. adventure can turn any trip into a journey. this is about the 50th time i've made the journey. the journey always starts the same and ends the same. that's what happens when you travel you end up right back from where you left. there usual for parts to this journey, various stopping points, and an endless amount of civilians driving around.

i found myself near folly mountain, just outside the cave. that's when my speed went from 110 down to 80, due to an unnamed drive that will remain unnamed. i don't mind driving 80, but the speed limit is 90, i'd rather go 90. but there's a problem driving at night, most drivers tend to be really daring until i show up. it took me awhile to catch up to this mammal. i could tell at one point he was doing 100. having a card driving from behind seems to make them nervous. i reduced my speed and distance trying to make him feel more comfortable, he increased his speed to 90, as did i, and we were going to the same place...home.

out of nowhere this bastard comes flying out of the night like a bi-polar, big metal, thing, attracted to my magnetic bumper. at this point, i have to share the road the drivers going, where i'm going, and the ones going to where i was. we all have to share the 2 lanes. so this idiot behind me, he had his high beams/brights on. looking at the positive side i now have lights inside the car and i can finally see what the hell i'm doing. this car wanted to pass me worse then you wanted to pass the 80 year old lady who was only going about 20 and you hoped she would drop dead, and her car would just idle to the side of the road so you could pass her. don't start saying things about me being cruel, you're the one that thought it, i only wrote it.

anyway, passing me wasn't going happen. not today. you can ride my bumper, flash your brights at me, but i am immune. we finally made it to the on ramp. finally. the 3 of us. and i would be in second place. i don't mind second place at all, you don't have to give any interviews. the press is also gonna wanna know how the hell the guy going 80km driving a 1990 corsica is the one that came first, and everyone is gonna wanna know how the hell a guy going about 120km driving a 2003 civic was in last place, even after flashing his brights.

to be honest i wasn't too happy with mr civic keeping his brights on. it's a pain in the ass and it's very rude. just because you wanna try on some cloths doesn't mean you can just jump into an occupied dressing room, because your in a god damn hurry. this world doesn't revolve around you, well the rest of us are hoping. so there is only one thing worst then an idiot behind you with his brights on, and that's some one coming from the opposite directing with there brights on and getting you in the face. at least with the moron behind you you can adjust your rearview mirror to block the lights, but that guy coming from the opposite direction, that's a killer. ever stand in front of an over head projector, looking into the bulb, and then turn the power on? no? then you haven't lived. this life is just a dream and just because he's getting it from behind doesn't mean you can shoot him in the face.

the first reaction is more of a flinch. much like a twich but you for a flinch your brain sends a signal to your body parts to move quickly. a twich just happens. the rear view mirror is on the right hand side, once the bastard comes up with his brights, you use your right hand to shield your eyes. then comes the oncoming traffic with there high beams on. since their on the other side of the road the driver uses his left hand to shield his eyes, leaving you blinded for a few seconds.

here's the point, yes i have a point to this, but i don't remember what it was, something like you and some friends could plot a murder perfectly in this manner, it would take years of parctice, i wonder if people are already doing this? think about it next time your on the highway at 3am.

never in my dreams could i have prepared myself for what would happen 2 hours later.

being the mild molded citizen that i am, doing the speed limit can be a critical factor when driving late at night. no one around, the animals are mostly sleeping while others are tempted to touch the lights of passing cars as they have never seen anything so beautiful. Unfortunately there's a few hundred pounds of steel traveling at great speeds behind those lights. for most animals it's the last thing they touch before the asphalt. some animals have seen these motorize vehicles and lived to tell there tales, but animals never listen, except for dogs, but that because they want food. cats don't listen but there are cool to have around. i don't want to be playing god and decided which animals are too stupid to live so i pay close attention to any possible pedestrians.

at this point i'm the only car on the road, i got lots of coffee and the tunes are cranked. that when i noticed i had company. i car was right on my ass, (with the brights on, of course) they might have even hooked but i think that was just me hearing things. i kept my commitment to the speed limit. on this stripe of road again only 2 lanes, and the car was unable to pass because of the yellow line, seconds later, the car pulls up next to me, which leads me to believe they are completely nuts. i maintained my speed. could it i that earlier i had escaped from the clutches of the brights gang, and they were worried i'd be contacting authorities. it must be them, they finally found me, knowing the car would soon be trying to ram me off the road i braced for impact. that's when the car started to slow down. in fact it stopped, turned around and i never saw the car again.


Unwritten road rules now written 

much like the 'shotgun' which can be called before entering an automobile. by calling shotgun you have the privilege of sitting in the front, along with the benefits of riding in the front seat. cup holder, ashtray, your very own private storage room (glove box) and easy access to the controls of the radio, and A/C oh and of course the stirring wheel in case the driver falls asleep. of course with the rule of shotgun there are a few rules. before calling you must be within visual of the vehicle. you cannot call shotgun and then enter a building. you cannot call shotgun twice in a row, and in the event of a tie, the winner is decided by the driver. but what if you are the driver? and there's no one in the car but you? and some bastard just cut you off...there are many things that you can do to express your road rage. yelling and screaming is pointless, you'll just end up telling yourself off. giving the finger is a much better option, but in order to give some one must receive. example: if you get a birthday card for your mom, and mail it, and it gets lost in the mail. you did get your mom a card. but since she didn't receive it, you did not get your mom a card. so when giving the finger, keep in mind to slam on the horn for a minimum of 5 seconds. (to ensure the hook lasts 5 secs, say in your head 'fuck you, you fucking cock sucking motherfucking son of a bitch.' that will take five seconds) other options include hooking on the syllables of this sentence. the key is the horn; the culprit will automatically know that he did badly. if the person who you’re trying to hook at is elderly, please do not bother hooking. this will only cause confusion for everyone and may escalate your 'road rage' to 'going postal'.

if some is about to jump out in the middle of the road or you need to tell some one to 'watch out', you require 1 quick beep on the horn, not too long just about a fraction of a second. for saying hello, or hi to some one 2 quick beeps, just like the 'watch out' beep, oh and be sure to wave. for saying goodbye or see ya later, 3 quick beeps along with a wave.

join me in my battle against the municipal government to have this included into beginner driver's training. let's keep the hooking under control.

if you do not have a car or a bike, or a toaster, then the above does not apply to you. when you venture on foot out in public you must acute sense of hearing for driver beeping their horns. one long beep means you really pissed some one off and they are trying to give you the finger (this may also me multiple hooks as well.) be sure to smile and wave once you have spotted the driver giving you the finger. this will confuse them. you can also return the middle finger to the driver if you can run really fast. they are in a car.

if you hear a really quick beep, look out. quick too, a car is coming.

if you hear 2 quick beeps some one in a car is pretending they know you and want to put you on the spotlight, knowing pedestrians always wave at hooking strangers. be sure to not look around, just keep walking, raise your arm into the air and extend your middle finger.

if you hear 3 quick beeps, same as above, give'm the finger!

anyway back to the calling of shotgun. this has been around forever and i will now share with you the time line...right now.
- this was invented by the indians when a white folk came over and started taking over everything. the indians where trying to escape with their hydes, the smart indians knew to call shotgun, because when trying to escape, the white folk where shooting at them and the indians in the back seat always got shot up.
- the yankees adopted this as a method to be able to go to england and drive all the time. the shot gun seat in england has a stiring wheel! cool eh


Always expecting a best seller 

so when you get in a lot of trouble and they take you and your ass to court...they throw the book at you, but only give you a sentence


When I grow up i wanna be a ninja 

well its my final year at the ginsu academy, training to become a lethal killer in the secret art of the ninja. i'm hoping to become a 'genin' or rookie-ranked ninja teamed with a leading syndicate of well-dressed bad guys after i graduate. but right now i'm having difficulty finding the time to maintain my deadly studies while holding down two jobs, as well as maintain a healthy social-life with my girlfriend. i'm seriously struggling with his lethal studies.

i need the jobs to pay for my tuition, food, and rent, and i must graduate this year in order to ultimately fulfill my vendetta and avenge my brother who was brutally murdered in hong kong by a sinister smuggling ring. but my goal to become a trained assassin won't be realized if i don't pass my final. it's tough, real tough, people just don't realize how exhausting it is to juggle two jobs and then have a full 6-hour tai-jutsu workout on top of that. by the time i fall into bed around 3 in the morning i'm asleep before my poison-tipped darts hit the floor.

some of my fellow students have been aiding me, one ninja-trainee "finished-off" a project after i was too tired to kill with stealth after pulling a double-shift at the warehouse, and another covered for me after i fell asleep on a rooftop during a diamond-theft excercise. i've also been paying a younger ninja student to iron my shinobi shozoko uniforms, polish my tabi boots, and re-string my longbow. my classmates have really come through, i owe them all big-time. if i pass, i figure i'll probably have to help out on a number of deadly missions 'cause everyone's got a vendetta, a kidnapped grandfather or ancient treasure or something needing to be recovered.

i really have to work on his grades. while my Ninja classmates are getting gold throwing stars for accuracy, i'm struggling to hit my targets. in stealth class, my teacher referred to me as "a bumbling elephant who couldn't sneak his way past an aging enemy who was blind and deaf, while under complete cover of darkness, and wearing a magical cloak of invisibility."

i choked on my garrotting test, fumbled my way through my mid-term in hand-to-hand combat, and can barely do figure eights with the traditional kusari-gama sickle/chain weapon. and, because of my already overbooked work and class schedules, i have been shirking my duties with the shuriken club. despite the lethal challenges i'm facing, i'm confident i will eventually pass.

i just have to sharpen my wits as well as my ninja-to swords to get past this final semester, with enough mountain dew, caffeine pills, and bamboo tea, i should be able to manage. then, after i've got some experience on the job, i'll be able to strike out on my own and avenge the death of my brother. my life will be complete, and i'll be able to kick back and spend more time with my girlfriend.


As seen on TV 

this article was originally about human communication on large scales, and how we are becoming more digital and wireless. but in the process of writing i got carried away.

in the future there will be no need for a device to aid us with communication; we will only need our minds. i realized while writing this that every form of communication has be transformed by corporations to sell us their products. telegrams and telephones the earliest forms of communication, have only given use junk mail, coupons, and telemarketers calling every hour. in the eyes of a corporation the internet, email, television, and radio is not a means of communicating, it's a means of transferring money from your wallet to theirs.

ceo's and managers will tell you "commercialism is created by demand". people like to see advertisements of the products they buy and consume on television. it shows them something they can relate to. anyone actually working in the field of marketing and advertising can tell you that "demand is created by commercialism". people need advertisements of the products companies want them to buy. most shoppers lack decisiveness and need to know what everyone else is buying, so they may follow the trend.

image having ability to deliver a message to millions of people around the world and the best that our society can come up with is "buy a big mac".

guglielmo marconi must have had a lot of money on there minds when brainstorming for an idea to make him rich. 60 years ago he claimed to be the inventor of the radio. nikola Tesla would prove to be the actual inventor, but at the time tesla was a russian and marconi was a italian, at this time in history it wasn't about who you liked more but who you seen more. marconi exposed tesla's invention of the radio and claimed it as his own. the concept of the radio is no more then a thought for tesla, another invention to add to his collection. for marconi it was an object that could make him very wealthy. their motivations were different; marconi motivation of course was money. his greed for money would only be a sign of things to come.

i often hear people, who listen to the radio, complain about not hearing enough music. a few others can be heard complaining about having to wait so long between sets of songs to hear their news and weather. most stations on the radio are constantly advertising "less talk more rock", only to not fulfill there slogan. the catch is, the radio stations have the recourses available to announce the latest weather, traffic jam and news which gives the station, an audience. it's all about listeners. companies will want to advertise to these listeners, the bigger the advertisers the bigger the cheque, a bit like the lottery winners, not quite in size but amount. to get a contract with a bigger advertiser, they need a larger audience. not everyone is interested in news, but music has something for everyone. the cycle is complete. the radio station plays it's recording of the news multiple times throughout the day, add music as a filler and commercials to make a profit. the result is not one listener is truly happy except for the owners, and advertisers who listen in from time to time.

let's move onward to television. television is another tool that gives mankind the ability to deliver a message to millions. However, during a 24 hour period of watching television you would consume an average of 6 hours of commercials. television has fallen into the same loop as radio has, however, over the years it does seem to be adapting, most cable companies have added all-commercial channels and weather channels, all music channels, and all news channels, all the result, not one of these channels are commercial free. television is better, the audience is larger, and advertisers can actually show you the products they want you to buy and a nice image of the people that buy them. this is called the target audience. the key to doing this effectively is air your commercials during the airing of tv shows targeted toward your target audience.

the internet is the most recent form of mass communication. everyone and everything has a place on the internet, a website to relate with, or call their own, if not they simply create their own in a matter of minutes. the popularity of the internet grows everyday, and more people are getting connected. dialing up is being phased out but dsl (digital subscriber line) is vastly growing, it's only twice as expensive but 10 times faster. with more people going home to a computer, less and less are cuddling on the couch in front of the tv. the number of tv views has dropped but not too much, yet. one of the first sign will be when television no longer advertises internet services. most households have only the one computer which means only one person is generally on the computer at one time, tv on the other hand is a family event in some households, minus the one family member on the internet.

over the past decade the number of people connecting to the internet has reached millions upon millions. advertisers have noticed this and were able to, once again, get the attention of the innocent viewer with the use of banners, and pop-up windows. banners seem to be the friendlier as pop-up windows build a frustration that will never be known to the advertiser as they too would be driven to a near-insanity level that thousands of web surfers reach every time a new address is entered.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?